ps- how was the debate reunion thingy? Minnesota was actually fun! We stayed with Jacob's extremely wealthy aunt and uncle and cousins! They have this awesome huge piano and it plays by itself! Like not a recording but somehow these magnets pull the keys down and stuff. They also have all these Thomas Kinkaid originals that one is probably worth twenty times what we own all together! We shopped a little, hung out with all the cousins, and other family. His 2 uncles run this financial advising company that was in some popular magazine so that was the big talk of the parties. 2 of the 3 uncles in the area moved to new houses so we toured these awesome show homes almost. It was weird - like you were afraid to sit on the furniture type thing. When we get a house I want it to be fancy and elegant but comfortable! Anyways i'm done blabbing now! Can you tell I'm bored!?

Wow, a mini daniel, that should be exciting. What kind of work is he doing in Portland? Or is he even still in Portland or are they moving back to good ol' Rapids now?

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year and everything so Happy New Year! Love you girls, miss you all tons! If anyone is going to be in Rapids or in the area the weekend of January 10th let me know. I am throwing Jacob's sister Bethany a bridal shower on the 10th, so I'm going to be in town that weekend. I get to stand up in her wedding but it's scheduled for the 24th of February and she doesn't have ANYTHING planned - not even what I am supposed to wear! So yeah a little nervous, not like I can pick a size 2 off the racks and throw it on, you know!

If anyone has time off of work or whatever you should come visit me! I am so jealous of Siggy, I wanna be in Hawaii (or anywhere else at this point).

*Someone* just got a cellphone (ahh! ME. duh.) Email me for the number. OH, and Dan Austin's bebe is due June 23rd.. and it's gonna have a penis.

Love,
Lauren

Since a few of you asked about Eric and Alley, here's the latest update: Alley broke up Eric him right before Christmas. Unfortunately, this probably won't last since they not only share a bedroom, but also share a twin bed. Yeah...

thanks :) um, if you want to stop by, visitation is tonight (i don't know where, so you'd have to check tuesday's paper or ask your parents, maybe they'd know?) anyhow i hope to see everyone saturday night for the "debate" party at our apartment. if anybody needs directions, send me an email: ljung279 @t uwsp d0t edu AND bring some goddamn alcohol! afterall, my grandpa *did* just die ;)

wow, is that bad of me to use that to try to persuade people? no. it isn't. because it's using humor to deal, and that's a healthy coping strategy :-P so there.

Hey Lauren I'm so sorry to hear about your grandpa. If you need anything give me a call or email me, I won't be in Rapids until Christmas day, but I can come home anytime if you need me to!

Hey, I'll be home in a few days- probably the 26th. If you need anything, or want to talk or hang out, give me a call, OK?

My grandpa died today.

It is comforting to memorialize his passing with a blog entry.. less comforting to know I will be at Kmart, fake-smiling and full of holiday spirit in less than half an hour. But death or no death, I have a rent payment coming up, not to mention stacks of cheery bills.

Hey, does driving past the stalkee's apartment and trying to see him inside constitute the same amount of creepiness as PARKING in front of said apartment? Cuz I MIGHT drive past every now and then, but I don't PARK, so does this mean I'm a future subject for a Lifetime movie? All I'm sayin is, I don't see him in passing, and I enjoy looking at pretty things, and I consider him to be a pretty thing, so I try to catch a glimpse of his pretty self on occasion. But I don't call him and hang up or anything like that...ok, I give up, I'm a stalker.

Ursula, Ursula, Ursula.

You aren't any more of a stalker than anyone else. The difference between you and the rest of the population is that you admit to it. Let's face it...it's so easy to "stalk" these days. You can find nearly any address or phone number on the internet, not to mention criminal records and sex offender status. You can often find someone's birthday and previous cities of residence if you know where to look and, if you're lucky, your stalkee keeps an online diary/journal/blog. If you're not lucky, your stalkee is mentioned on someone's webpage, or has his/her picture posted on a university webpage, or was an athlete in high school and still has his/her track meet times for the 50 yard dash posted on some forgotten website archive. Let's face it...cyberstalking is both easy and fun. Who among us hasn't done it, or at least made a half-hearted effort by entering someone's name into Google?

It is my belief that everyone has a shameless little voyeur trapped inside. It doesn't make us scary mouth-breathers who call up our stalkees and sit in parked cars outside of their houses waiting to catch a glimpse. It just makes us human. I mean, no matter who we are, everyone else's lives seem more interesting. So...we "stalk." Period.

We went and cut down our 1st ever Christmas tree today and put it up and it's all decorated : ) It looks beautiful! Anyways, I feel incredibly old!

Laura's wedding was really nice - Laura Khuel, now Buick. Lots of people from High School were there. I hung out with my old debate partner - Jordan Simons! He's actually pretty decent, we had fun! He goes to Point and is double majoring in Philosophy and something else that i already forgot! Probably due to the LARGE amount of alcohol I consumed. 4 old fashion southern comfort sweets, 2 shots, 4 glasses of beer, and a UV Lemonade! Jacob's parents probably think I'm the devil cuz we were dancing all seductive and I got him a few drinks to get him out there to dance and he might have been a little tipsy for awhile! Oh well, they can deal!
This was amuzing, the first slow dance Bill (jacob's dad) asked me to dance and I had a few drinks by then and was like why not. I had this huge belch (the icky beer kind) brewing half the time we were dancing, and he was like please don't puke on me! It was hilarious! Maybe you had to be there...
Oh this was great, during the dinner Jessica Romanski (who was a drunk whore the whole night) well her parents and sister and her brother's girlfriend were there, and someone was passing the buns over like all these candles and the napkin caught on fire and this huge ball of flames went up! It was so funny! Then like 5 minutes later, Luke (the groom) did the same thing at the head table! Maybe having candle centerpiece arrangements wasn't such a good idea. Other than that and the DJ it was ok! He sucked, and we were debating if he was mentally retarded (for real) or not!

So yeah that was my weekend and now I'm battling a huge head ache and I lost my voice (totally crappy cuz I have my senior seminar presentation Wednesday! It better find it's way back in my throat by then!) So I am going to go wipe the pine pitch off my hands and now my keyboard and get to my homework! : ) Love you girls - i miss you all!

You are a stalker, Urs..and I love it :) Because we share in that sickness..however accidental it is. It's addicting, no?

I think that I am a stalker

So this one night I was having dinner with my friends Mike and Keith. I met Mike via my program and Keith lives with Mike. In this dinner he said his full name and I swore I heard 'Hand' which seemed an interesting last name but I didn't really say anything. About a month before that, I had discovered his sister via a certain Live Journal post where she had commented. I decided to see what kind of person is related to Keith and went to her Live Journal. Not much, just looked at it and went about my business.

In early November I began researching the TJK Papers at the Labadie Collection within the Special Collections Library here. Aside from the curator of the Labadie, another woman helped me. I vaguely remembered seeing a sign reading "Ms. Hand" on the desk one day but didn't really pay attention to it.

However now with the knowledge of Keith's last name (gleaned from an AIM conversation) I asked if his sister worked at the SPC and he said yes.... suddenly I felt very compelled to read her Live Journal. It was very strange because there were all these posts about buying alcohol during a lunch break and secretly playing yahoo games and giving evil stares to the football players in the reading room.

So heres the thing - I know who she is, I've read her personal thoughts but she doesn't know me from Adam. I've wanted to go back up to the SPC and say hello, that I know her brother, but I would feel like such a giant dork. She's become kind of like a celebrity in my mind.... I also wonder if she knows that I know him seeing as she saw me conversing with Mike and Mike used to work there and lives with Keith, blah blah blah..... But right now I've just resigned to reading her live journal and feeling like a stalker. She's really cool though so I think I've picked a decent person to stalk....

I did leave a note on her journal and she responded - that was really exciting for a second until I realized that my excitement made me a stalker. Ugh, I either need a life or to do more homework.

It's amusing...I'm (hopefully) rid of the stalker Blair, and while celebrating, I may have accidentally opened the door to a potential new stalker. Goddamn, I suck. Why can't Nathan "The Writer" Humpal just want me? Fucking sexy motherfucker with serial killer eyes and good kissing mouth. Oh well. My creativity is heightened without a boy fucking it all out of me.

Wait...I was in prison and they wouldn't give me any goddamn milk, but I had plants to love and take care of? That's fucked up, Ursy - almost as fucked up as my own dreams.

In other news, I got to watch an entire episode of South Park in my Religion in America class last night. My professor decided that we'd be more interested in learning the story of Mormonism (that is, the story of its founding) from Cartman. The pathetic thing is that the South Park crew didn't even have to change or exaggerate the damn story; the Mormons really gave Trey Parker and Matt Stone a lot to work with. For example, Joseph Smith (that's the founder) believed that he had to gaze into a quasi-magical hat in order to translate the book of Mormon. And the Mormons claim that the Garden of Eden was in Missouri. I mean, the South Park kids had a field day with all that and without deviating one bit from the actual myth. They were actually kind - they neglected to mention that, prior to founding Mormonism, Joseph Smith hunted for buried treasure with his father on the east coast.

If you want to learn about your Mormon neighbors while at the same time being highly amused, I suggest that you check out this episode. It just aired on November 19, so...it's a new one. :) Anyway.

 

Every time I take that quiz (and answer honestly) I get Juan.... ugh

Anyway, I had an odd dream the other night. I was in prison for something and among other things that I have either forgotten or don't care to discuss, I was in a single cell and Signe, you really wanted to get into my cell because I got milk and you and another member of the girlz (maybe Rock? I'm not really sure) in the other cell didn't get any. Our cells were remarkably well furnished too, complete with plants.

I'm Juan as well : )

Interesting...



I am Juan Moreno!!


Which Completely Random Person Are You???

i had an interesting dream last night. i was kissing Aidan. which is silly, because he's taken, so totally (dykeboi. i am still queering it up). but that beats the hell out of tonight, because i really can't sleep. i have memories taking over my present-life. that = crying = insomnia = bad news. i can see why so many lesbians have therapists, i think i need help. is there somewhere to go to where i can be injected with little-kid so i can be happy and energetic again? i don't want the past, i want a future with past feelings of security.

Jamie, I had the most fucked up dream ever. You and I were at East Junior High, in the art/tech ed hallway. (Um...you probalby don't know what the art/tech ed hallway is, having never went to school there. It's on first floor, and it's the part with all the glass windows that you can see in to when you drive past on Lincoln Street.) Anyway. We were running up and down the hallway, and sometimes we stopped to dance because Madonna was playing over the loud speakers. We were only wearing bras and super-tiny underwear. There were other people around, but they were either fully clothed or wearing towels, and they were jealous of us because they wanted to dance and be naked-ish too, but they were too scared and inhibited. It was a very liberating dream. I know it sounds creepy, but trust me...it wasn't.

Thanks Sig - I thought it was, but who knows : ) I am going to be going back to Ripon after we all get together. I don't like to leave the kitty alone more than a few days. He gets into lots of trouble and knocks his food and water over and won't eat it off the floor cuz he's the pickiest thing in the world! That and Jacob will be hunting the whole weekend and I'm no way in hell going out there with him - I learned my lesson. 1 day in the woods 'hunting' (aka snoring and freezing) was long enough for the rest of my life! So if anyone is not doing anything and wants to come back with me, they are welcome to. I'll leave Friday afternoon sometime and come back whenever on Saturday. Let me know!

Lise, Friday is the day after Thanksgiving. :)

Check it out:
http://jacobgraf.com/Lisa/

I had to make a website for a class I have, and here it is - nothing too special, pretty basic, if i messed anything up or if you have anything to add or pictures you want added email me!

Is everyone ok with Friday afternoon after Thanksgiving? Or the day after Thanksgiving - i am so damn busy I have no clue what days are what anymore, and I have the worst cold ever, so that doesn't really help. Let me know if I should plan on people or if you wanna do something else!

bitches.

thankfully, the Defense of Marriage Act did not happen this year. it was frighteningly close however: the bid to overturn the Gov's veto of DOMA failed by one single vote. does that worry anyone else? it should..i don't care how straight *or* homophobic you are, hateful legislation tends to beget more hateful legislation. land of the free, my ass.

to any of you who called in to tell your legislators to uphold Doyle's veto, thank you.

ps - today is november 11th, other than Veterans Day, I am sure insignificant to many of you. However, today marks the
fourth - 4th - FOURTH year that Jacob and I have dated. I realize we are married now, and tomorrow will be 4 months
of marriage, but 4 years of dating the same person seems like forever, yet feels more like 4 days sometime! It's even
more unimaginable that I've known the boy for close to 5 1/2 years and he still hasn't decided to hate me! Other than
all of you and my family he's the only boy to accomplish this! : ) We must be doing something right! I'm getting all
reflective and mooshy so I'll stop now, but this is what happens when I have to teach from 8-10 and then I don't have
classes so I have the rest of the day to think and do this kind of stuff : ) I love you girls!

I realize Tuesday nights suck to get together during the school year, so that is why I am sending an invite via Blog rather than mailing everyone an invite. I understand if you are unable to make it. I tried scheduling it for a weekend, however the hostess couldn't work me into her schedule! If you can make it to the party wonderful - we have a pull out sofa if you'd like to crash here - if you can't make it I totally understand. If you'd still like to order some PartyLite products email
me and I can get a catalogue in the mail and then you just let me know what you want to order and I'll hook you up! So here's the details:

What: Lisa's PartyLite Party (Candles)

When: Tuesday, December 9th @ 6:00pm

Where: Lisa's Apartment
(Email me at LaGraf@Charter.net for directions - let me know where you are coming from)

I'll have lots of yummy appetizers to eat before and during the party and some delicious desserts to eat afterwards. I'll have lots of alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages, too! : )

Another Invite:

What: Thanksgiving Get Together

When: Friday after Thanksgiving
1-?

Where: Lisa's Parents' House in Rapids
(email me LaGraf@Charter.net for directions)

I'll get my mom to hook us up with some chips and snack stuff - bring your own alcohol if you want it, otherwise I'll have
soda and juice and whatever else my parents' have : ) I emailed most of you before and said I couldn't have a get together, but my aunt and uncle will be leaving that morning, so it's ok with my parents and everything!

More news: Jacob is helping me make my own webpage! : ) I'll post the link as soon as I get the site complete. If you
have any recent pictures of yourself or from my wedding or of me or whatever email me them at the address I already listed twice! Thanks girls!

Here's an idea for something fun we could all do sometime! This past weekend I went to Laura Kuehl's bachelorette party and it was so much fun! We went to the community center in Rapids - I didn't even know we had one! But it's in that building where the old DeByles store was, and across from where the old Wal-Mart was and has the huge yellow sign on it. Jenny Glenn, Laura's maid of honor set everything up. The art teacher from Lincoln, I don't remember his name, but he lead us in pottery stuff. Because we didn't have a lot of time he already created a few pieces of pottery and then we got to paint them! It was so much fun, and I am far from being artistic, but I still had a great time. It was a little weird to be hanging out with all the girls that I despised in high school - Jessica Romanski... all those girls. But I must admit it was a lot of fun! We should all get together and do it some night or day. The guy is really flexible with times, and he just gave Jenny the key to the building as we hung out and drank and had cake and pizza and had a really fun party there afterwards. They have 4 pottery wheel things and a kiln in this room in the basement and all the materials you need! Just an idea... : )

Lauren - I love the hair : ) Very you!

Chilling

HeLLo EvERybOdY
So..I've added more time-consuming positions to my roster: Outreach Ed coordinator for our GSA. Fun fun :) But that doesn't mean there isn't still an open invite to y'all...come visit, we love you and miss you and want you to come! In other news, my hair is a beautiful shade of nuclear red


It looks pretty pinkish in this pic, but in person it's more of a vividly intense shade of red. Gotta love Hot Topic ;) and Connor, my gay boy who did an exquisite job

EVERYONE: please..a favor..give a call to your legislators and tell them to support Gov. Doyle's veto of DOMA (and if you still don't know what DOMA is, send me an email - ljung279 at uwsp dot edu) If you need help discovering who your legislators are, CLICK HERE. It'll cost you less than a quarter and all you have to say is something as brief as "I'm calling to oppose AB 475 and SB 233 - the "Defense of Marriage" Act - and want my legislators to do the same." or as elaborate as:

Dear Senator ______,

My name is _____________ and I’m a student at ________.

I’m calling you to request that you support the Gov's veto of Senate Bill 233, the Defense of Marriage bill. This bill changes the definition of marriage from “a husband and a wife” to “one man and one woman.”

This bill would effectively change nothing, and is perceived as an attack on LGBT families, regardless of intent. If you want to strengthen the institution of marriage, I have plenty of suggestions, and this is definitely not one of them.

Please help make Wisconsin a welcoming, inclusive state by voting down this bill.

Thank you for your time and I appreciate the Senator’s consideration of this important student issue.


Note: If you call during business hours and talk to a live rep and they asks you: What are some ways to strengthen the family? You can say:

-provide a living wage so parents do not need to work more than 40 hours a
week

-offer relationship counseling to couples both before and during marriage

-help create a culture in which couples do an equal share of housework

-provide quality, affordable childcare

-prevent and end domestic violence

You can also call the Governor and make sure he upholds his previous statements that he will not support DOMA His number is Phone: (608) 266-1212 OR Fax: (608) 267-8983

Sig: I deleted it the other day. I figured it was just me and you writing in it and I wrote less than you did so yeah! : )

I am taking this Philosophy of Education which really is a book that has every, or a majority of the commonly accepted philosophies in it and how they all apply to education. We just got done with Existentialism and Phenomenology and I find those to be quite interesting. Especially Buber's 'I-it; and I-thou' philosophy. This class' purpose is to help us as teachers develop our own personal philosophy, however the more I learn about different philosophies the less I identify with one or the other. Not that there is some requirement I adhere to only one philosophy or anything, but it'd be nice to find a philosophy that suits all of my beliefs and such!

Sig do you know of Jean-Paul Sartre or Soren Kierkegaard? You should check them out, they are kind of on opposite spectrums on the existentialism continum but their thoughts on God seem similar to yours.

Anyways I've been putting homework off long enough :) Talk to you all soon!

Sig, that sounds similar to 'the god of the gaps' - thoughts on that?

Lisa: doesn't your blog exist anymore? I mean, I know that it does because I can look at it, but I can't log in to it. Umm....

Sig Waxes Theological. (Or: Tell Me All Your Thoughts on God)

It's not that I don't believe in a god, it's just that I don't believe in the God...meaning the Christian interpretation of the divine. Honestly, the more I study religion the more I think that humans have it all wrong. So far, I have yet to stumble upon a philisophical or religious system of thought that satisfactorily accounts for the workings of the universe, existence, the meaning of life, the problem of evil, etc. Still, the more I study religion the more I'm convinced that there's something out there... Who or what that something is, I cannot say. What this something does, I cannot say. Whether this something created the universeand/or humanity - or sustains it, or has the power to destroy it - I cannot say. Whether or not this something interacts with the created world, I cannot say. Whether or not that something is all good, all evil, or some combination thereof I cannot say.

In short, I don't get it. I think that there is something to get, however...something far outside of the bounds of my imagination. I think Anselm of Canterbury has come the closest to defining God/the divine: "God is that than which nothing greater can be conceived." Think about that for a minute...I expect you'll find that you can't come up with anything better.

Holy crap Dan having a baby?! Not the actual process, but being a parent? I have little confidence in that family. However, when I first heard Abe was beginning his family, I was quite surprised and obviously he is a wonderful and capable parent now. So who knows - kids raising kids is crappy, but I know a quite immature adult who is like 40 and has managed to raise at least 1 of his 3 children pretty well, a little earlier to tell with the 3rd, but who knows!

And Siggie poo if you don't believe in God, or at least in his importance, why should it matter what he thinks? We all love you : )

Hannah - Jacob's little sister - had surgery today. She had part of her nose (the inside) shaved off (I forgot the technical term and it's not the adnoids, if I heard it I'd know it - starts with a t I think - trodent maybe, who knows, anyways) and she also had tubes put in her ears. Apparently there was lots of bleeding so the surgery took longer, and whenever she sits up blood poors out of her nose, and she'll probably start puking the blood that has poured down her throat eventually! I feel bad for her! We bought her an Ernest movie (I despise knowing we used out money for that crap, but Jacob loves those movies), and a card.

Laura Kuehl is getting married, I am sure everyone knows already. But if anyone is going to be around Rapids area this weekend and bored I am going to be in town. Laura's bridal shower and bachelorette party is Saturday. The shower is during the day and then we're going to the community center (I didn't even know Rapids had one) and doing 'pottery' things (we've been invited to bring alcohol as well). Not sure how alcohol and making pottery things will go together but what the hell, sounds like fun to me : )

Also I am going to be having a PartyLite thingy over here at the apartment in December sometime - probably either the 9th or 16th and it'd be cool if any of you would like to come to it! We have room to crash over night, and we could have our own little party afterwards if you'd like! I'll be sending invites, so if I don't already have your updated address email me it at LaGraf@Charter.net : )

So that was huge and a well needed break from all my dumb homework! I registered for next semester and I am only taking 13 credits : ) The least amount of credits I've ever taken! I get to graduate with my class in May, however my diploma majors will be for Educational Studies and History, but not much I can do with an Ed. Studies degree alone, but I am planning on coming back to student teach in the fall of 04 and I will be certified in December : )

Also Jacob and I have been talking lots about not moving out to Denver and settling down somewhere in WI. Not in Rapids nor Ripon and probably a larger area, at least over 60,000 we're aiming for. And where ever we can both get decent jobs! We figure the cost of living is huge in Denver (our friends pay close to 1500 a month for rent in an apartment similar to ours here). Although I'd be teaching and he'd have some business management position (that degree is pretty flexible), that still would probably be 'getting us by' and we'd be spending what we didn't need on entertainment with friends, rather than savings and stuff! Housing costs are so low right now and we'd like to start a family like 3 or 4 years from now, and moving half way across the country and back between then might not be worth it. We love visiting our friends in Denver and it'll always be our 2nd home, but we wanna make our own home soon : ) Apartment life isn't all it's cracked up to be, and it's worthless to keep paying rent. Considering the cost of homes; in the next 2 years (the time we have to rent) we could have bought a decent house.

So that is my life lately and everything! : ) Hope everyone is doing well in whatever you are doing! I miss you girls so much and looking forward to getting together soon! : ) Does anyone have plans for the day after Thanksgiving? Like morning/afternoon? I propose we get together then - I'll send an email out, too, but you are all invited to my parents' house for like a lunch or whatever and just to hang out! Bring pictures from recently or whenever! I'll be sure to remember all the 1000 of our wedding pictures : ) Looking forward to seeing you guys! Love you all!

Siggie, God does NOT hate you. I would know, my mother is God, and she adores you.

Just so that you're all aware, God hates me. For real.

I got a letter from Dan today, postmarked 28 October. It makes no mention of the fetus.

Doubtful, Lauren. Hospitals are quite expensive. I doubt that the parents-to-be have health insurance, as I can't see either of them having full-time jobs that offer benefits. I also can't believe that Dan has become such a colossal fuck-up so early on. I mean, I expected him to do minorly stupid things. In my mind that meant that he'd simply love his mother and spend his mother's money whilst hanging around the coffee house in Rapids fancying himself a poet-musician and feeding off of the affections of 16-year-olds for the next ten years or so. God damn. This getting-married-and-pregnant stunt extends far beyond what I ever would have expected from him. I love that kid, I really do, but this isn't the first time I've questioned his decision making skills.

By the way...HAPPY HALLOWEEN.

That could very well be the case, although she could have gotten tested at the hospital and they would be able to tell by now..guess you'd have to ask Dannyboy

My question is if the baby is due in July, is she really pregnant? Or is her period just late - isn't it too early to be sure yet at all?

Surprised? No. Sad? Terribly. It's been a bad week, news-wise.

I never had much confidence in Daniel being able to support himself and his wife...but a baby too? NOT that I expect a man to support his wife; that isn't it. I simply assumed that she wouldn't be able to do very much supporting, considering that her plan was to be a full-time student and his plan was...well...to sit on his ass. I assume that this pregnancy will delay (probably forever) the art school plan. I also assume that it will destroy both of their lives, and might possibly be the thing that ends their marriage. (Because it will end...she's 18, and he's about 12, emotionally/mentally speaking...and they're impoverished and a million miles from all their friends and family. Yeah. Stable, huh?)

Danny has always been a selfish, irresponsible child himself. How the hell is he planning on raising one of his own?

Are We Surprised?
So...girlz...everyone..Lauren has big news. Not about herself, mind you.

Our Daniel is going to have a baby.

I work with his wife's best friend, and apparently they haven't told anyone yet, including their families..so don't go blabbing it to everyone (ha, I'm one to talk)...just thought y'all would like to know the news. It's due in early July. They are insane. I know they have no money, I don't see how they're going to be able to afford a lil' Dannio. Crazy.

AWESOME, we're talking about dating! :-) Well, first of all, let me tell you, I am the Grand Master Pimp of dating. I've turned serial dating into an art form. Of course, this art form is only in existence because I'm such a miserable failure at obtaining a relationship, but I've recently decided (and I MEAN IT this time) that the LAST thing I want is a relationship, because it will undoubtedly kill me slowly, take away all creative energy and talent and turn me into a paranoid, domesticated cow that only knows how to say, "Yes, Dear" when I have been able to turn words into weapons, tools of seduction, or just pretty things in your mouth. I'd absolutely HATE to suddenly not be my own person, to lose myself in some relationship where he would most definitely cheat on me or just make me feel old, tired, dead. Fuck that shit. But I can tell you all the ways in which to date many boys and later avoid/run away from them. :-) It's rather easy...dance very uninhibited when you're out somewhere...(but make sure you study some dance moves first...uninhibited doesn't mean suck ass at it.) Whisper something really cryptic and somewhat erotic in their ear...not something like, "lets have sex" cuz you'll never win their heart that way...something like, "I've been watchin you all night and you haven't paid the LEAST bit of attention to me." That one works for me. or, "Buy me a drink, bitch!" They like being called "bitch" by girls, no matter what they say.

Of course, none of this will work if you're trying to win one of those intellectual snob motherfuckers that will lead you to believe they like you and have this absolute fire and passion and fascination with you, only to leave you completely disillusioned, self-doubting and full of rage at both him AND yourself for being so stupid and easily manipulated...not that I have any experience in that arena, cuz I DON'T.

Sorry Urs can't help you much there, I haven't dated in like almost 5 years! Well I guess that's not true, Jacob and I go out, but it's not the weird trying to find a guy type dating! Just be yourself : ) I really believe you find the best people when you aren't even looking for them at all. You know what I mean? Let them find you : ) Good luck though! I am sure glad I don't have to worry about that stuff anymore : )

I'm really getting sick of rejection - somebody tell me how to look for guys that might actually be attracted to me because so far, I haven't found any.

Lise: The link was to my blog. At the time that I posted it, my 2 sentence reflection on John Henry's dad was the first entry on the page. I've changed the link so that it now goes here. That's a bit more self-explanatory at this point.

Sig what was the link to? it took me to some blog add or whatever? I assume that's about John's dad, but i don't know.

Lauren - my dad saw the article in the Point newspaper and he was like hey don't you know her - he thought it was cool! So do I! : )

Denver was so much fun! We just got back Friday - we had fall break last week. We didn't do a lot, which was great and a nice change from being super hella busy all the time!

My grandparents 50th wedding anniversary was Saturday. It was a fun time visiting with relatives and stuff like that again! I had to give a speech at the ceremony and I did wonderful except for the last line when I looked up and saw my grandpa crying, I kind of lost it to but not nearly as much as my aunt did during hers - the one that stood up in the wedding.

So that's about all that is new really here. My kitty missed me and it's so much fun to be back and playing with him - which I am going to go do now! hope everyone has a good week : )

Once again, I'm the last person to know. I just want a definitive answer to one question: Why? Why did I get demoted from "first to know" to "you'll know if your sister hears the gossip from Katie Hansen's mother"? At least Katie and Ingrid still think I ought to know these things. They keep me meticulously informed...potentially too much so.

Fabulosity
The Mock Wedding was a resounding success and pictures will be posted as soon as I get them. And check out the Stevens Point Journal for Friday (oct.24). Aren't I adorable? Okay, so I look like a dork..but whatever :) Oh..and I'm an official Senator on the Student Gov't now, which is good..because we actually do things. Mmmm...power. I like that.

Midterm Advice: Your answer isn't a paper that anyone is going to hold you to for an opinion so pick something and defend it - its obviously one of those "no right answer" questions, your prof just wants to know that you know enough about the theories to make some kind of judgement. Also explaining your biases at the outset will show that you understand them and will look better than not addressing them.

I was going to look at my recent 504 midterm questions to show an equally bad question, but they were all rather straightforward, if hard and complex (What concepts from structuration theory are useful in understanding the formation and development of American public libraries? For each concept you choose, explain it very succinctly and indicate how it applies. - I barely understand structuration theory right now and I wrote 900 words on this question) I'd much rather argue about what thought system does a better job at answering questions of evil than explain the provenace of online course repositories. But midterms suck, regardless and I'm crabby because I can't seem to install AIM on this machine.

Lauren: Good luck with the wedding!

I hate loosely phrased midterm questions. They're impossible.

Of the systems of thought discussed so far, which do you think does the best job--for the purposes of religion--in dealing with the problem of evil? In order to answer this question adequately, you'll need to show how your choice is superior to the other systems of thought we've examined thus far.

OK...superior from what point of view? If I taking my own little Western mindset, then the answer to this question is obvious. But if I'm supposed to lay aside all biases and declare a system of thought superior from some magically impartial point of view, which I think is what she's going for, it's impossible. I mean, who am I to judge what ought to constitute (or not constitute) God, truth, religion, and evil? Obviously, my mindset has been slanted. Obviously, Taoism and Buddhism (both having no God) are not going to fit nicely inside of my little "religion" box. But am I willing to say that they're inferior? No. Am I willing to say that monotheisms are superior? No. Ugh. Fucking midterm question...

Mock Wedding THIS Thursday!

Awesome..the loose ends are being tied and I've almost got everything ready to go :) If anyone's around Point this Thursday at ..hmm, 1pm or 2pm, come out to the University Center and witness our protest against DOMA in the form of a mass wedding ceremony. I'll post some pics after the event, the Journal might do a story on it and we might get coverage from ch.7 and 9 as well. Exciting stuff. Cross your fingers for me ~ I love y'all ;)

DOMA / Civil Rights
As you all may or may not have heard, Bush recently joined with ultra-right wingers and declared Oct.12-18 (this week) "Marriage Protection Week" - so what does this mean? It's basically Bush's show of support for the Federal Marriage Amendment, "a divisive measure that seeks to permanently deny civil marriage to same-sex couples."

To those of you who don't understand why this is a crappy thing for queers, the HRC puts it very nicely:

"These special interest, so-called 'family' groups — and now the president — are misleading the American people when they insinuate that civil marriage for gays and lesbians would weaken other marriages," said Birch. "We're seeking things like Social Security survivor benefits, hospital visitation rights and equal tax treatment when inheriting our partner's estate, none of which threaten other families. Let's be clear about what we're seeking: fairness under the law — a basic principle the American people overwhelmingly support."

Due to my recent inspiration to become super-activist, I (along w/our Gay-Straight Alliance) decided that was pretty uncool of Bush and that something needed to be done, some sort of protest to let everyone know that we're not going to let him piss all over us :) So Chris decided we should have a mock wedding...

The plan: to host a mock wedding with a bunch of fabulously queer couples getting "hitched" - our Multicult director is working on press coverage (the point of this is awareness so we want it to be very public), so if we get our shit together and pull this off, you'll be able to see it on the news (channel 7 & 9) and perhaps read about it in the paper. However, we're trying to pull it all off on such short notice (a week isn't very long to pull resources together and set up a mock wedding) that I'm not 100% sure it's going to happen, but I will be working my ass off to do my part.

But if it does come together, it will coincide nicely with our anti-DOMA (defense of marriage act) petition. Oh, while I'm on the subject - please SIGN THIS ONLINE PETITION

Sorry about the spelling, I don't know where that "i" came from.

Lauren, I think I speak for everyone when I say that you need more explaination on your current events. You are always full of surprises and I'm always confused. Not that it is hard to confuse me. :) What is the deal with the wedding???

Lauren: What, exactly, is this mock wedding? I mean, what is the purpose of it? And who is Jenny? I assume that the wedding is being held by some organization to make some sort of political statment, but...what, exactly, is that organziation and desired outcome of the wedding? Or maybe not... Is this a public thing (like...strangers will be watching), or just a for-fun thing (like the time I married Dan in Erica's living room with Miss Monkey as a witness)? More info, please. :)

Mock Wedding Thursday!!!
I will be marrying a beautiful bride by the name of Jenny :) Bush is an idiot.

What they said.

Couldn't agree more

Ditto.

I hate people.

OK, Jamie, point well taken. But don't you think that it would be PERFECT if we weren't in Central Wisconsin and the judges judged purely on the quality of the performance and not on the content? (Because the whole fucking POINT is the delivery...NOT words like "fuck" and such...damn conservative pricks...)

Siggie--

I think Howl is a bit mature for highschool audiences and readers. I mean, It talks about fucking people in the ass and having random bouts of sex and whatnot...I mean, its brilliant and my favorite poem of all fucking time, but do you really think Central Wisconsin Highschool Forensics folk would have been able to deal with it? Keep in mind that one judge was a Preacher Man that tried to have Lauren and I kicked out for being nasty cuz I had been pretending I was a guy in playacting.

My iMac came today......................... I want to cry

This is so much less intelligent sounding than Sig's entry..... but if boys have girlfriends, they should not talk to single women and then not mention their girlfriend. More importantly, they should not give single women rides home and not mention their girlfriends. I think we need to make some kind of symbol for men to wear when they are attached - married men have wedding rings, guys in relationships should have something too..... and they should get fines if they don't wear them. I know that it would make my life easier.

Just a thought: Why didn't anyone ever do Howl for a forensics group interp piece? It would have been perfect...it's so lyrical, and it has an awesome rhythm. It's more image than idea, too, so a group wouldn't have to worry much about conveying a plot. I feel retrospectively foolish for doing Shel Silverstein, Delia Ephron, and Patrick McManus in my forensics days. Oh well. Maybe (though I doubt it) some high school kid looking for ideas will stumble across this blog entry and think to himself or herself, "Holy shit...Ginsberg! Why didn't I think of that?" (Why didn't Daniel M. Austin, our own little counter-cultural Beat, think of that?)

"I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving, hysterical, naked/ dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn loking for an angry fix/ angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night,/ who poverty and tattered and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking in the supernatural darkness of cold-water flats floating across the tops of cities contemplating jazz..."

We could have dressed only in black. It would have been lovely. And it probably could have been stretched to fit the full fifteen minutes, too. Damn. It would have been fun to scream about Moloch.

Siggy: i don't know. i don't think i know any guy named robin, but who knows, i guess anything's possible, i do have a crapassy memory for names. what's his last name or gimme some identifying features..b/c i am curious to see the video footage of you all dolled up as a chicken. and thank you for calling, btw.

Jamie: we love you, he's a scuzzy hippie psycho who is obviously quite intellectual but not very intelligent. how unfortunate for him.

everyone else..and siggy 'n jamie: i am involved in quite a chunk of activism at the moment and will probably demand assistance of some sort from you..like participating in a call-in or signing a petition, nothing too strenuous on your part unless i somehow manage to convince you to put forth more effort. this is not optional (the low-effort involvement) :-P as i will seek you out and persist until you cave. don't make me :) i love you all, and you will all be hearing from me soon...very soon...

Lauren: Do you know a guy named Robin something or another who goes to UWSP? I met him last night and he claims to know you. It's homecoming in Eau Claire, so everybody in the world was here from out of town...why the hell weren't you here? Anyway, my mostly sober self was dressed in a chicken costume and I was wandering up and down Water Street with Alley and Stacy (completely trashed), who were dressed in Care Bear suits. These were not your garden variety costumes, either. Oh no. These were fuzzy, full-body, high-quality, carefully crafted costumes. I even had headgear that included a beak, and Alley and Stacy had hoods with ears and tiny little hearts on their asses. Of course, all the drunks had to stop and talk to us and love us and whatnot. In the course of our traipsing up and down the street, weaving in and out of the thousands of drunks (ask Jamie what Eau Claire is like on Homecoming; she came with Amanda Senn once), we encountered your supposed friend Robin. He even videotaped us. Yeah. Ask him about us. Ask to see the tape. I bet it's interesting.

I'm feeling a very, very strong desire to comment on the colloquial use of the word "voodoo" but I'll fight the urge. Jamie, if you really want to do some voodoo rituals get yourself some Erzulie candles, a love gris gris bag, and an offering (Erzulie likes champagne, expensive French perfumes, and chocolate, among other things). Most importantly, make sure you really, really want this boy. Theoretically, if voodoo works its spell, you won't ever be able to get rid of the guy, no matter how much you may want to. Erzulie is a bitch like that...not that it'll actually work, you not being a practitioner and all. :)

Well...that, and you're not serious.

Ursula, if it makes you feel any better I'm completely smitten with someone that probably doesn't like me AT ALL. But then, I AM the J.Mo, so I really don't see how that could happen, but it's a possibility nonetheless. Oh well. If he doesn't like me I'll just do some voodoo on him for good measure.

Why do boys suck so much?

And whatever happened to walking a girl home? Getting driven home is not nearly as nice as getting walked home, regardless of how f#%$ing cold it is.

Awesome idea about the Debate Blog Urs! This should be fun!

Thanks for the help with my senior sem ideas, too! If you could find out if your uncle would like to talk about things, that would be awesome! Right now I am leaning towards McCarthyism, however I think the Nazi prisoner would be an awesome perspective on things! It's totally understandable if he'd rather not talk about things though!

Is anyone else as sick of college as I am?! I love the social scene and everything, but the whole homework scene sucks my dick (if I had one)! I can't believe how much homework I do - usually like a few hours a night is understandable, but I have class until 4, I get home and we have dinner and I do homework from like 5/6 until like 1 in the morning! It's crazy!

Anyways enough whining and stuff - besides it's Friday! Have a good weekend everyone, hope your semesters are going well! Talk to you all soon sometime!

Attention Lisa! I read your blog about your thesis.... I can't make any promises, but my mother's uncle Joseph was a Nazi soldier and then taken as a prisoner of war by the Allies. He may not want to discuss anything about it, but if you want, I can contact my mother and ask her about any possiblities of getting information out of him

In other news, Urs needs to go to bed

Ok, well I would create a Debate Reunion blog, but I am not sure if setting up a community blog is different from an individual blog. .....so I would need some info on that

In other news, I created my own personal blog. Its basically a daily diary. I need to make few changes, but the big news for today was going to be the Goodyear blimp sighting until about 20 minutes later when I found myself accidentally having lunch with the Assistant Dean of the Law School (of the University of Michigan). That was neat.

Anyway, as soon as I'm sure of the particulars I will set up a new blog for the reunion and maybe even do some work on a form for making online RSVPs. I also welcome name suggestions for the blog. ttyl

FUCK yeah, thats a wicked good idea. It's so good, in fact, that I'm surprised I didn't come up with it...I am, after all, a master. :-) KIDDING. You're brilliant, Urs. Count me in.

I vote that Ursula create a new blog immediately.

Holy Crap! (or as Strong Bad would say, Holy Crap!) I wasn't expecting such an overwhelming response to my suggestion and I must say that I am pleased. So, without any ado, these are the things that would need to happen for planning

1. Compile a list of all the people that we should invite. This list so-far includes (but is not limited to): Sig, Rock, Jamie, Lisa Henke, Erica, Lauren, Eric Jung, Mark, Josh, Abe, Ursula, Eric Miller, Jesse Dedyne(?), John Henry, Nathan Thomas, Dan, Lisa Manley, Teresa Brandl, Jamie Jung, Mr. Grumpypants, and that’s the extent of my knowledge. Those of you with access to yearbooks should be able to remember more. I'm wondering if we should extend this to all of the Frenzel related activities and really how far outside of our little group should we go?
2. If we decide that we want to specially reserve a place for the reunion, we should try to determine the receptivity (receptiveness?) of all possible participants with a 'pre-invitation,' otherwise just draft invitations with RSVP information (and remember the pot-luck possibility).
3. Find a place and determine a time. I suggest a weekend night so we can all go out afterwards (this may exclude some of the possible '01 stragglers)
4. Create a webspace for RSVPs, discussions, ect. I suggest forming a reunion blog.* Possible name suggestions could arise out of any of the code words that incite nostalgia in former debaters**, including our slang, things from past resolutions (for instance, who doesn't remember the feelings incited when the words 'we could run guns' were uttered?), or something lame like 'Lincoln Debate.' Also, I am learning php and it might be fun for me to try to create a site and form for RSVPs, unfortunately it may not be ready before we need it. But then again, I just discovered my 539 project.
5. From here on, all that remains is to actually have the event. Of course the main core planners should provide essential foods like a one (vegetarian) main course, drinks, and a desert and of course things for eating like plates and forks (and I also suggest something like cups for drinking)
6. Accommodations - it just occurred to me that some people may no longer have a permanent residence in hell anymore so we may need to provide them with appropriate shelter. Also, we should not have the event RIGHT after or before Christmas because of that same problem. We'll figure something out.

*I am thinking that we should have a separate blog for the reunion for a few reasons
1. I mentioned lying in the invitations to certain people and it would not be good for those people to actually see that post.
2. 17 Bottles Of is not restricted to debate people and would contain a lot of superfluous information
3. In keeping with the above, it may be intimidating and/or rude to ask people to join an existing blog (en masse for a reason other than that for which this blog was created) add people to an existing blog rather than create a new one just for this purpose
**That seems so easy on the surface, but really, how many terms were universal among all of the debaters? I mean guar never permeated far beyond the girlz and even i stopped using it at the end of '98. Honestly, I can't think of much


Are there more things that I am forgetting? Of course, but it doesn't look all that hard really. Especially if we keep everything simple.
:>

JAMIE (& everyone else): remember in A Walk in the Clouds when they've got the grape-stomping festivities? Well..there's one in Prairie du Sac coming up soon - Grape Stomp Festival, October 4th and 5th. I think it'd kick ass to get all the girlz that could make it and whomever else and go get our feet wet - so, open invitation to everyone reading this, I can fit 4 other people in my car if no one else would want to drive. [p.d.s. is less than 100 miles from Rapids, so it'd be about an hour 'n half to 2 hr drive]

FYI: Little Abe goes to school here (UWSP) - Jamie and I see him regularly, so we could get Abe's addy if you'd like. Whatever did happen to Josh? I recall he was at UWEC for awhile, when did that change? I'll ask my brother if he knows the whereabouts of various folks from his year, I know they still keep in touch.

I like this idea, and I even like the idea of bringing a "significant guest." However, I think that there needs to be some debate alone time. Would it be completely rude to request that the guests disappear when Frenzel does? There are several reasons for this:

1. Our guests (well...your guests...I don't have a guest) will be bored to death with our stories and jargon.
2. Some of us might not want to meet/spend time with some of the guests (like...Nathan's girlfriend, John Henry's potential new girlfriend, etc.)
3. It'll be more like old times if we don't have a ton of people unfamiliar with the debate world hanging around
4. The guests will be intimidated/overwhelmed by a room full of old friends speaking in what feels like a foreign tongue
5. I don't like strangers. (This is my selfish side.)

Anyway, yeah...Abe and I briefly entertained the idea of a reunion last year. We managed to hunt down names and addresses for almost everyone. (Josh was among the lost, sadly enough.) Abe has also disappeared, but Little Abe emailed me out of the blue a few weeks ago, so...I'm sure I could get Abe's information from Little Abe. (Yes, Abe IS married again, by the way.) So. I'm willing to help out with the organization and such...

Excellent idea, Ursy. If you need specific help in planning, let me know. I don't much feel like taking any sort of initiative so just tell me what you want me to do and I'll probably do it..for a price, muhahaha. um, just kidding. sorry :) I haven't gotten much sleep lately ~

While assessing the files I want to save from my laptop, I found the transcript from District Debate 1997 (almost 7 years ago). After reading that, I realized that we NEED a debate reunion for all the debaters from classes 98-00 (some stragglers from 97 and 01 would most likely be welcome - it might be fun to see how Mr. Grumpypants turned out). Here are my suggestions:

schedule a reunion for a time when most people will be in Rapids (meaning in the 4 days surrounding Christmas) at a place with the most amount of space.

Send out invitations encouraging but not requiring people to bring a significant guest* (just one**), and food (a pot-luck is always fun and cheaper for planners). Be sure to invite Frenzel but we will probably want some frenzel free time. She may no longer be our teacher but I don't know how keen she is to hanging out with a bunch of (I'm assuming) increasingly intoxicated 21-23 year-olds. (our age differences seem so much smaller now)

We may want to set up some kind of online discussion system - this blog would be fine

Have people RSVP. We may also what to think about assessing possible interest before proceeding. (that is my classes starting to rub off on me)

Plans for the event itself:
-We should have a tape (like at district)
-would impossible tasks be feasible?
-should we have detailed plans or just let everybody talk?


*This may be problematic considering one time when a former debater did bring a guest to an event with other former debaters and problems arose resulting in his (very necessary) departure. However, with that noted, part of any reunion is to see where people are in their lives and bringing a spouse or serious partner would be a part of that. At the least, I would like to meet Abe's wife or the woman (or maybe man... we don't know ;]) that Mark possibly pinned down (not meant to be sexual). It would also be interesting for the spouse/partner to see what their loved one did in high school. I was also contemplating arrangements that could be made to not allow certain people to bring other people (ie. lie in the invitations).
**Just one guest (I am assuming that the debaters have not taken up polygamy) and not any friends or siblings. I mean I wouldn't mind having some extra people, but this would be a debate event, and part of my idea is to re-create the 'cast' of our debate years. Plus space will not be unlimited, especially if it is going to happen in winter.


I really would like to see a reunion happen. Judging from the weddings this summer, it would be very fun. I know there will be some notable exceptions... right now I'm thinking Dan and John Henry and I know Sig couldn't find Josh... but if it goes well, there could be future reunions? I don't know. Anyway, its time for me to go to work which means posting this and switching computers.

Life..life is good. I love autumn, and I love UWSP..and I'm very deep in like with a cute energetic lil' athletic-esque girl and my classes all kick ass..I know that life has a tendency to shift from good to bad and back again in a sort of endless cycle, but I really hope I'm still on the upward swing and that it'll hang in the "good" section for a bit, I'm kind of enjoying it :) P.S. i miss you all!

No, thank you, I do not need any more falafel

Ann Arbor has a lot of great food. There's Rendevous which serves great middle eastern cuisine, Jerusalem gardens with great middle eastern food and oh, that Greek restaurant on the corner which serves - you guessed it - amazing middle eastern food! Not that I don't enjoy a good hommus and falafel wrap every now and then, but please. Of course there are other restaurants, plenty of Chinese, Mexican, Indian and American places, but they're usually quite expensive. Earlier today I was pretty close to just walking into any place and ordering some pad thai with mock duck. Pretty close, that is, until I walked down Church street and found an unassuming building with the words "Korean Food" on the front. It looked a little small, even intimidating for someone unfamiliar with this particular Asian food, but it looked quiet and while it wasn't from the particular peninsula off of the main Asian body that I was looking for, it would do.

There seemed to be few vegetarian options and I settled on Spicy Tofu, ordered it and sat down to wait for it to come to me. Eventually a lady came to me with a tray of various foods. It didn't look how I expected it, but when she looked at me and said "Spicy Tofu?" I had to nod. The presence of several Asian people eating with chopsticks scared me - what if I did something wrong - and there were three other little dishes of stuff next to the HUGE plate of food in front of me. The little things didn't look too scary - some cooked bean sprouts, a cup of some brothy stuff and a little dish of what appeared to be cabbage in a reddish sauce - but I didn't know if they were supposed to go on the spicy tofu or be eaten separately, so I left them alone. I learned very fast that the spicy tofu wasn't like spicy tofu would be in Minnesota and got up to get more water. Now it wasn't *amazing* and the tofu needed to be marinated a little longer, but it was Asian food, and a lot of it for less than $7 so I was happy. I found out that the broth was Miso soup and that I don't like Miso soup and that the cabbage dish was just that, called Kimchee. Nothing was supposed to go on the spicy tofu, I did it right and found a great new place to eat.

Jamie: Yeah - what Lauren said.

In addition: You will be leaving UWSP soon, and probably - hopefully - this part of the world. Let's face it...people in these parts are incapable of appreciating your awesomeness. Once you root yourself in a city with a population of more than a few thousand you'll be able to escape from the little small-town box that all of the local boys try to shove you into. Life will get better the instant you find yourself in Chicago, or Boston, or L.A., or the Cities, or New York...or any place where the population is large enough to allow for deviation from the accepted norm. (In other words, you need to find a place where there really isn't a norm. This is easy enough to do - the hard part is being ballsy enough to go.)

In the mean time, remind yourself that boys are mutants and that you're not in a big rush to have your heart crushed and your soul stomped on. That can wait, right? You've got plenty of years ahead of you for that. :)

That's what friends are for, Babe. We love you in all of your perfections...I know it's not the same as being loved by someone who'll fuck you - literally and metaphorically, yes - but all you really need to get by in this big, bad motherfucker of a world are a few folks who know you and love you dearly, and you've got'm. So..don't be discouraged, plenty of time to find the romantic (read: full of crap/fantasy-based) love, you're gonna be at least a hundred before you bite the dust anyways so live it up whilest unattached, m'hija.

God, I hate boys/dating. It seems like once you finally get to someone you SEEM to like, after weeding out the Desperate, the Gross, the Psychotic, the Stupid, the Arrogant, the Player, the Loser, the Socially Inept, and all the other mutants, the "normal" ones turn out to be freaks, too. Like, they collect human skin, or, worse and far more difficult to comprehend, THEY don't like ME. I mean, I really don't see how they cannot...I'm somewhat attractive, I'm funny, I'm fun and vivacious...but yeah. They don't like me. And that led me to think about The Breakup, and how THAT came about, because that boy actually KNEW me, knew everything about me, so there should be NO confusion about my awesomeness...which led me to a horrible possibility and, seemingly at this point, probability....

I'm NOT a Woodland Nymph Fairy Goddess of the Night.

I don't know how this could have gone on for so long without my knowing. I mean, I go to bed covered in my fairy dust glitter, branches and dead leaves imbedded in my sexy, tousled and knotted hair (Pixies don't have time for brushing, you see) and wake up painfully and disgustingly average...my body not emanating a glow, my skin not perspiring rose water. How is it that I, who once bathed in lagoons beneath the moonlight and held sexual awakenings in my bat-infested lair could now be a 21-year-old college student with no idea as to her future and, worse yet, actually WORRIES about such a thing? My fingernails are actually clean and free of the gritty dirt that used to encase them from clawing at the ground beneath me. Isn't that terribly sad? I wear SHOES on my elfin feet, and, I'm ashamed to say, clothes. It's no WONDER I'm alone in a world full of soulmates...I can taste the love in the air like dew drops on the flowers I once consumed for nourishment...I can taste but I cannot swallow. I am but a shadow of my former self...constantly worrying, biting, chewing up my happiness like grain. In a world without love what's the point of living? How can one live without love?

Return to rugby..fall season commences
Our first match was today - that was fun, 30 soaking girls beating the crap out of each other on a muddy field..would've been a lot more fun if we wouldn't have sucked, but c'est la vie, n'est pas? Now I'm a bruiser just like the Jmo, 'cept hers are gone b/c she hasn't been hanging around her brother a lot recently. So..girlios..I met the cutest freshman (haha, cradle-robber, I know) Wednesday...and she (J) was totally checkin' me out, so..yeah. We'll see how that goes, I don't want to jump into anything after my last fiasco. Actually, I'm kind of relationship-wary after all the psychological crap from EazyE, I care about him but damn, I am not responsible for his life or anything that happens in it unrelated to me, it's not like how I was doing ever mattered to him. Anyways, J seems to be a little butcher than me, but not anything like E..but I'm still worried, I want to avoid anything boi-related in the future..learn from my mistakes 'n all. She seems really nice though, and happy, not all "pissed at the world constantly and going to take it out on my gf"-esque - b/c that I am NOT doing again, ever, that sucked sweaty-fat-grandpa ass. I think she's athletic too, she looks the part anyhow. But whatever. I'll hang out with her more before deciding if it's a go or not, she can't be dumb or psychotic or it won't work..well, maybe psychotic, it seems that's my preference, lol..but not dumb, ugh, not smart-but-dumb like E either, that was stupid and annoying. Okay, enough of a rant, I need to gastar some dinero ahorita.

...I think it fits this blog quite nicely, don't you?

(stolen from Alex, who stole it from someone else.)

I keep track of everyone I've ever known. I have a little blue and yellow book filled with addresses, phone numbers, email addresses and birthdays. I meticulously update, periodically checking to make sure that everyone is in the right place, making sure that everyone still lives in the apartment penciled into my little book. I can't help it. I have an unexplainable desire to know where everyone is all the time. (I drove Jillian crazy in the dorms. She couldn't walk out of the room without me saying, "Where are you going, Jilly? When will you be back?") Somehow, it's comforting to have a concrete piece of information about everyone. It's good to know that, even if I don't know anything else, I know where my friends are sleeping at night. I know where to find them in an emergency, I know what number to call when I need something.

I was checking up on Rock and that John Henry kid just now, knowing that mid-August is the time of year when everyone in Madison plays apartment tag. (Madison makes my job easy; they update their directory annually, even for the off-campus students.) I found Rock right where she belonged, but John Henry had moved on me. He had vacated the crumbling green house, the last place I visited him.

The place was a shithole, and I'm not surprised that he left. I'm not surprised that he didn't bother to tell me about the move. Still, I am a little bit sad about it. I've contemplated this before, of course. I knew that there would come a day when he wouldn't bother to notify me of his whereabouts. I knew that, eventually, he'd fall off the face of the earth into complete anonymity. I knew that he wouldn't want me to bother him anymore (not that I've been bothering him; I haven't) and I knew that, at some point, I'd be unable to find him.

He'll graduate from college and I won't find out until I try to look him up and he's not in the directory anymore. He'll go to grad school in some state far, far away and I'll never hear from him again. I won't know that he's married, that he's got kids, that he's in a jazz band, that he's happy. I'll wonder, but I'll never be able to find him. He'll just disappear. He's good at that.

I've been expecting this. John Henry simply isn't one for maintaining contacts. Once you're out of his life, you're out. I'm not just referring to myself here, either. I wouldn't make a good example, obviously. John Henry doesn't speak to Nathan Thomas, his best friend from high school, either. They stopped being best friends almost immediately upon leaving for college. John Henry just doesn't do distance. It's too much work for him, I guess.

He was a strange kid, that Mr. Henry guy. He was at the same time the most ambitious person I ever knew and the laziest. He acted as though it would kill him to make a phone call or take a shower, but he'd practice his guitar forever to make a certain note sound exactly the way he wanted it to, or he'd forego sleep for days in order to make a computer program do exactly what he wanted it to. It's strange...I used to know him better than anyone else did, and now I don't know him at all.

...chances are that I'll never know him ever again. Ever. I don't like that.

I just wanted to say that some of your friends happen to love athletics..but I enjoyed your story anyways. I never personally got a chance to climb any sort of rope, I feel like I missed out on an intrical part of childhood...

Jillian: You already heard this story. Don't bother to read on.
Everyone Else Who Writes In This Blog: Being my athletically challenged friends (sorry, guys, but it's true...remember softball?), I figured that you all could appreciate this story just as much as I did.

* * *

I was forced to be an athlete today. I had to play with my freshmen at the university's ropes course. Prior to playing on the ropes, however, I had to play other little athletic games with them. One of these games included a race in which I was on a team with a few of the freshmen. This race required us to sprint across an open field while carrying one of our teammates. I, along with Brock - one of the four guys in a class of 25 - was responsible for carrying the tiniest little freshman girl across this field. Brock is much more of an athlete than me. He can run faster. His legs are longer. So, as we ran while carrying this girl, he got ahead of me. I tried (and failed) to catch up to him. I lost my footing, dropping the freshman girl (who kicked me in the back on the way down). I got a grass stain on both of my knees. I landed on my shoulder, which - twelve hours later - is finally starting to hurt. The freshman scraped the shit out of her arm because the grass is no longer grass; it's really hard and prickly and she fell about three feet at a fairly rapid rate of speed. Yeah. I injured one of my freshmen today. Somehow, I don't think that's part of my job description.

So. There was a bathroom break between this race and playing on the ropes and, for once in my life, I didn't have to pee. During the break I announced to my Jew that I was not an athlete, and that I do not do athletic things...like running while carrying a freshman or climbing ropes. This led in to a discussion of my being forced to climb that horrible blue rubber pole in elementary school. I hated that. I can still remember how it made the gym smell all synthetic. I can remember standing in line for the pole, nervous as hell and dreading the moment that it was my turn to climb, watching Jordan Hanneman scale the thing faster than a goddamn monkey. I simply couldn't do it. I couldn't even stay on the pole. I always slid off. We were supposed to race against the person climbing the other pole...but I couldn't even go up an inch. I couldn't hold on.

My Jew apparently had this problem as well. Her experience was a bit more extreme than mine, though. When she was unable to climb the pole her gym teacher forced her to stay after school every day until she was able to make it to the top. Eventually, she did it. On her last day of servitude to the gym teacher, my Jew climbed all the way to the top, climbed back down, pushed the gym teacher, and kicked sand into her eyes. (This was in California; they had outdoor gym class.) She was promptly suspended.

My Jew is my new athletically retarded hero. I wish I could go back to elementary school and kick sand in Mrs. Brock's eyes. She was never mean to me but I still hated her for making me climb that fucking pole, serve that fucking volleyball, run laps around that fucking gym, scoot around on that fucking scooter board, play that fucking Around the World game...

Yes. Siggie is a little bitter.

UMich Squirrels are quite strange, in fact, I do not think that they are really squirrels, rather they are "Attack Rodents." First of all, they are red, signifying evil and secondly they are huge. The final cue that they are not normal is their behavior. The other day I was walking to class and one was in the sidewalk. Rather than running upon sight, it stayed in position and then assumend attack mode until I was about three feet away, then it ran.

Unfortunatly, I cannot hate these squirrels as I have just joined the Michigan Squirrel Club. Aside from having the most awesome T-shirts EVER, they get together every once in a while to feed squirrels peanuts on the main mall of the campus (called the Diag). So, as strange as the UMich Squirrels are, I could not pass up the chance to be a part of the best univerisity organisation on campus.

...excerpt from "Rain" by Madonna...

It's strange. I feel like I've known you before, and I want to understand you more and more and more. When I'm with you I feel like a magical child - everything strange, everything wild.

Waiting is the hardest thing. I tell myself that if I believe in you - in the dream of you - with all my heart and all my soul, that by sheer force of will I can raise you from the ground and without a sound you'd appear and surrendor to me - to love.

Lauren: I read your blog today. Don't worry about writing mean/bitchy things about me in there. I take it quite well. Besides...if you do write nasty things about me, I deserve it. It's OK. Be honest - that's probably why the blog exists in the first place.

Sig I wasn't mad at you for not worrying about me, I was mad at you for being bitchy at me for nothing. I told you that.

Jillian is mad at me because I don't worry about her. Oh, wait...I worry about her all the goddamn time. In fact, she tells me that I worry about her too much.

Paradox? Looks like it.

Don't ask questions; getting answers (or half-answers, as the case may be) is the equivalent of opening Pandora's fucking Box.

I met Jeff's girlfriend today. It's about time, really; they've been together for...oh...just over two years now, I think. She seemed like a nice girl. She's the opposite of me in every conceivable way - she's talkative, she's optimistic, she smiles a lot. (Randomness: I'm way hotter.) I was relieved to find that this girl knows who I am, at least a little; when Jeff introduced us she said that it was nice to finally meet me. So...she's heard about me. The question is, how much has she heard?

I felt really dirty standing there with them. They were holding hands and the only thing that occured to me was, "I had my tongue in your boyfriend's mouth four years ago. It was kind of gross. He wasn't quite so fat then." I really shouldn't have felt that way - dirty, I mean - because it was a million years ago. It didn't matter much at the time and it doesn't matter at all now. Jeff and I were both unattached and recovering from being dumped by long-term significant others at the time. It was an act of desperation. It's funny now. But still...I felt dirty. It's not the sort of behavior I engage in. Ever. (Except for that one time.)

If the girlfriend knows about what Jeff refers to as "the thing that happened", did she want to kill me this afternoon? Probably - and, if so, I understand. Whenever I was in the vicinity of John Henry's Mann twin, I wanted to kill her. That situation is quite analagous to my situation with Jeff, I think...John Henry had some random action with the Mann twin (though he got quite a bit more random action than I did...) during our year apart. The really creepy thing is that John Henry had the Mann twin on the exact same night that I made my mistake with Jeffrey - maybe even at the same time. It was Prom night in Rapids and V-Ball in Eau Claire. In fact, I think that I may have engaged in a tongue-raping with Jeff because I knew that John Henry was off with the Mann twin at that precise moment. (Which, I think, is a better excuse than John Henry's "it had been a while." Boys need to stop thinking with their dicks.)

Maybe I didn't just feel dirty because I was standing next to Jeff's girlfriend. I think it's quite probable that I was also feeling dirty about not telling Mr. Henry about the Jeffrey incident. I should have told him when he told me about the Mann twin, but I didn't. I'm not sure why...maybe I wanted to remain saintly. (Well...as far as santliness was possible.) Maybe I wanted him to feel guilty. I don't know. I guess I always figured that it wasn't worth mentioning since it was so insignificant.

Sig, the dirty girl. Interesting, huh?

Boyarski?

* * *

The worst thing about hating (____insert name of boy who hurt you here____) is that you don't hate him at all. You can't. Hating him just doesn't work out...but oh, how much easier life would be if it did.

I hate boys.

Yeah...speaking of boys...the one I had for a brief period of about 3 weeks FINALLY went back to Madison, so he's out of my hair...thank goodness. I really hate Natty.

I had a dream about that boy last night. We were together - we had apparently never broken up. Anyway, he was playing video games the whole time and I was watching him. Could that possibly have anything to do with the fact that Jillian and I recently hooked up the Nintendo, Super Nintendo, and Sega to the console TV we were using as a table? And if so, what does that boy have to do with anything?

Sadly, I don't even have time to get depressed over it or think it to death. I have to study for the fucking GRE. :(

Oh, I posted some to my other blog using angelfire, so far they show up 'n everything (?) Anyways, I had a bout of fabulous luck early this afternoon...driving to Point, swatting at an annoying fly that was buzzing around...and the SMACK into the siderail, popped my tire, bent the frame, broke my car. God I hope this doesn't suck every last penny out of me, I don't have extra right now..I hope my dad understands that the accident wasn't totally my fault (and doesn't kill me)

It's not hard...you use the same image tags you'd use on your web page. The only difference is that you need to host the pictures somewhere other than Angelfire. I know that there are places that do free image hosting on the internet, I just don't know where they are; I use my mom and dad's wctc space. :) Some schools give people a little piece of the web...maybe UWSP is one of them?

Sig: Good. I hate it when people are pissed at me..unless they don't matter to me, or are total assholes. You don't fit into either of those categories. ONE MORE WEEK UNTIL MOVE-IN - Oh, Sig..one more thing - you need to show me how to put pictures into this baby ~

Lauren: It's OK. I was having a nostalgic I-Miss-The-Boy moment; I have those every now and again. It passed. I was only mad at you for as long as it took to write that entry, and even then I wasn't actually mad at you...I was mad at one little thing you did a long-ass time ago. I have a tendency to over analyze things in the middle of the night and then wake up only to realize that I was crazy and emotional the night before. (In other words, I think too much. Big surprise, right?) Don't worry - I'm not mad, I don't hate you, etc. Hopefully you're not too terribly mad at me, either. :)

Jamie: You don't have to take that shit. Nobody has the right to grope you just because you've got tits. You don't go around grabbing dicks, and your co-workers shouldn't go arond grabbing boobs. It's not nice. If I thought it would do any good I'd encourage you to press charges for sexual harassment and all that jazz, but...it's Rapids. Nothing would come of it and you would be portrayed as the bitchy little tease stirring up trouble at Pasquales. So just quit. Fuck them.
P.S.: I'm going freelance too. Be a writer. You get to set your own hours and you don't have to answer to anybody...until you have an editor, and a publisher, and a deadline. Shit. Even the free aren't free. :(

I hate my job.

I wish I could have the sort of "I don't give a fuck" mentality that my sisters possess, but unfortunantly, I DO give a fuck and want to give a proper two-weeks notice just to secure a good recommendation, and my need for income makes me not do it sooner. I wish so badly that I'd just stop thinking with irrational rationality and would just scream "FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID, CRAZY, FUCKED-UP MOTHERFUCKERS, I QUIT!!!!!"
Last night Tom threatened me, telling me I'll lose my job just because he's pissed that I told him not to fucking put his hands on me and try to grope and grab and touch me. I guess my desire for my own personal rights as a human being is just too much to fucking ask. Meanwhile, its ok for him to call me a tramp, a whore, a slut, etc...all because boys come into the restaurant and spend money to see me. I mean, its gaining their fucking restaurant profit, but I guess it makes me a slut to have friends that are male.
So last night, after his little threat and after he told me how easy it would be to replace me, blah blah blah, I told him he's a fucking crazy, stupid motherfucker and ran to the bathroom and cried with hate and anger and feelings of powerlessness. I hate being subjected to abuse and expected to take it with a smile. I wanted so badly to walk out, to hit him, to punch him in the face and throw food all over him. I wanted so badly to stand up for myself, but I'm a fucking coyote with her foot caught...I don't think I like having a boss...I'm going freelance.

I think it's about time that I post something onto this collective site of thoughts, emotions, and daily going-ons. I mean, considering I'm already on it several times, from the all-too-positive vantage of those who love me ;) Sorry for the sarcasm, I'm having an awkward week..unpleasant at best, mixed with brief moments of "i guess life doesn't completely suck" optimism. But it's been up and down for awhile now, so whatever.

Signe, why don't you ever talk to me about this shit? I'm sorry that I messed with your life for a week or two during high school, but it wasn't intentional and it wasn't done with malicious foresight. Why did I intensely hang out with JH for a few brief weeks between the boyfriends that littered my high school journey? That's easy enough, I needed a friend. I felt used and thrown out, rejected and cheated on... I needed someone I could trust, someone with whom I could forget about that silly relationship with Neil. Jamie was all busy with Nathan and I wanted to forge a new friendship, I didn't know that I would be stepping on toes by doing so, and I was too naive to realize that this sudden show of attention to him by me would make him think that I had romantic inclinations.

Why is it that just because you like hanging out with someone, talking to them, running around and just enjoying their company, that people assume you want them? Just because I'm single and not grossly disgusting doesn't mean that I want to get all up ons with you ~ maybe I just think you're kinda cool and way interesting and a bit unconventional? Maybe I just want to be your friend, christ, just because I've got a hooch and you've got a dick doesn't mean I can't think of you just as a friend, I loved being with my girls too and no one thought anything of *that* (i'm sure everyone can see the irony of all of this in the present light)

What I mean to say is this. Signe, I am sorry that I selfishly screwed you over in high school. Please don't think that I had any inkling of what I was doing, I am a lot more stupid than people give me credit for, I don't admit to that much. You ~ all of my girlz ~ are more important to me than anything in this world. You are my one constant, the only source of security (except inner) that I don't ever have to question, my refuge in this world of refuse. My own family can't even measure up to my girlz and their unconditional support (earmarked with sage advice that I usually ignore and regret ignoring later). I'm sorry, Siggypoo ...please forgive me?

Love,
Lauren

P.S. Life sucks. "ray of fucking sunshine"? I wish I could return to that state of ignorance - getting older..getting wiser..all of that really blows. Guess it's essential though, huh?

Don't feel bad, Siggie. I was walking down the street with Matt, bawling like a bitch at the time. How badass is that? Not very.

It was the story of my life: While everyone else stood up I sat down. When Nathan Thomas approached us - for a nice, friendly chat, he mistakenly assumed - I was standing. And once the shit hit the fan, I sat. I distinctly remember saying "I think I'll sit this one out" to Jamie's mother as I joined her on the couch the instant things went from bad to ugly. I hope that she didn't hate me for barely standing up for her daughter. I hope she wasn't disappointed that I only minimally condoned the asshole who knows damn well that he holds all the power in the Jamie-Nathan situation, who knows what he's doing to Jamie, who knows that he's been stringing Jamie along with absolutely no intent for years.

I've been analyzing the moment I took a seat ever since it happened. Of course, it's partly because I hate confrontation. I'm hopelessly idealistic in that I just want everyone to get along - or at least to pretend to. (I'm not idealistic enough to expect life to actually work out that way.) It's also partly because I hate watching people get hurt, and certainly don't want to be the one causing it. I know that Nathan Thomas is an asshole and deserved every insult and bit of unpleasant truth he received, but that doesn't mean that I enjoyed watching him almost cry. Ever since John Henry ripped my heart out, I've had an enormous problem with watching other people experience discomfort. I sat because I don't want to be remembered as a bitch, and because I'm much better at observing and dissecting life than I am at actually living it.

The largest factor in my decision to sit, though, is the most complex. (It's also the one I'm least sure of.) I think I also sat because I realized that what was unfolding - that is, ganging up on Nathan in such a violent, fierce, colossal way - was the equivelant of removing the last bit of rubble from the site of a horrific collapse. I didn't want to haul away the last of the memories; I didn't want to sever the last link to what we used to have. ("We" being Jamie, Nathan, John Henry and I.)

Jamie used to have a photograph tucked into the frame of a mirror that was in her bedroom. Her father had taken a random snapshot of life as we lived it. The four of us were sitting on the couch in her old house, and John Henry had an acoustic guitar. We all looked terrible in that photo because we weren't expecting to be immortalized in that instant - we were just four teenagers, alive and happy. Eyes are half closed, mouths are half open, faces are partially turned from the camera. Even so, it was perfect. In the few minutes it took to jump Nathan, that photograph - already metaphorically torn down the middle - was shredded and tossed into the landfill.

That's really why I sat, I think. I feel guilty for it now because I've been practicing my Fuck-You-Nathan-Thomas speech for years...every time he hurt Jamie, in fact.

That's a whole lot of practicing.

 

Nathan and the catalyst for the outpouring of wrath:

"Don't go away, say what you say
But say that you'll stay forever and a day
In the time of my life 'cause I need more time
Yes I need more time"
~Oasis

Good for you, J.Mo. Wait...is this Nathan we're talking about, or some other pansy-ass-motherfucker-piece-of-shit? (Not that it matters; they're all the same, really.)

PS: I updated my webpage.

You know...I am ASTOUNDED by the disgusting manner in which men think they can treat women...They really want to hurt us into such pain and misery that we have absolute self-loathing and become submissive, mealy-mouthed little pussy bitches. Because they don't want the risk of coming second or being shown up or looking like they're an equal to a woman...they don't really want a spunky, personality-girl. So I guess I don't want them, either.

I thought I wanted John Henry to call me for my birthday...I thought I wanted him to give me some little sign that he knows I'm still alive. (I assumed that he wouldn't.) Surprisingly, when that John Henry kid did in fact call, I wasn't happy about it. I came home from work to find that he'd left a message on my machine ("Hi, this is John, just calling because it's the 4th of July,which means it's Sig's birthday, blah blah"). The kid always acted like my birthday was the biggest burden in the world. He always made a fuss about having to come home for the fourth...and one year he didn't even bother to come home, nor did he call or send me a birthday card or even email me on my birthday. And now that he's no longer obligated to care or even remember, he called. What a fucker. I know he was trying to be nice, but...it didn't work. It pissed me off. And, yes...it made me terribly sad. That's one of his best skills: accidentially upsetting me.

* * *

I sat on the porch step alone tonight...I'm always alone, it seems. Andy had joined me for a few minutes, but because the dog wouldn't shut up he went inside to placate it. The dog stopped barking, and Andy never came back. Oh well. I've grown accustomed to being walked away from and forgotten.

The outdoors was hot, moist and stagnant. A smoky haze from the city's hour-long fireworks display (and all the fireworks my neighbors lit) hung in the air, along with the acrid, charred Fourth of July smell. It didn't seem real...but it was. I've found that even when things don't seem real, can't be real...they are. Sometimes that's a hard thing to swallow.

It was just me, a candle, a wine cooler, and my sparklers. I burned a few - I watched the golden sparks fly onto the pavement, fizzle and die. My sparklers were of the particularly cheap variety, so they didn't last for more than a few seconds. As quickly as they were ignited, they were dead...they sputtered, momentarily glowed orange, and gave off a thin wisp of smoke. They cried in protest as I extingushed them in the bowl of dirty water sitting on the steps. They faded into oblivion, discarded and forgotten. They're rotting in the trash can right now, along with some uneaten rice and a soggy dog biscuit.

While the people in my neighborhood lit fireworks - I could hear them crackling and popping, and occasionally caught a glimpse of that hopeful, exciting fireworks light - I abandoned my sparklers. They just weren't fun to play with alone. Besides - I wanted to light a fire that would last; I wanted to light a fire that I could extinguish at my own discretion. I peeled the label from my wine cooler. It was soggy, but caught fire when I dangled it in the candle flame I was using as a lighter. It quickly sputtered, leaving a trail of smoke curling up to the sky.

So I tried to light a sparkler box, first shaking it to make sure it wasn't one of the full boxes. It, too caught fire. And, mirroring my first attempt to create a blaze, it died. I tried again, this time lighting the other end...but to no avail. The fire burned out, and smoke exited the box at both ends. Attempt number three was a total failture. The box's burned edges glowed red but refused to ignite. As it turns out, the boxes are better quality than the product itslef. In any case, the cliché is a lie: The third time is not a charm. When the fire has burned out at both ends there's nothing left.

Nothing.

* * *

The particularly disgusting thing is that I know I'll call him back.

You had me scared for a minute there. :)

Know what? I'm taking a break from being a goddess. It's just so much work. For real. I think I'm going to start being a hedonistic pig instead. No...that's the craziest thing I ever thought of...Like I could give up being a goddess...riiiiight. :-)

Who says that Wisconsin isn't home to any cute, intelligent guys? We've got this one:
.
He lives in Mequon!

Lisa's wedding is in three weeks...so is Dan Austin's. After weeks of careful consideration, I figured out the perfect wedding gift for him. (Note that I said for him, not for them.) I wanted to wrap up the vows from our wedding, and print off a copy of the poem we wrote together the night he came to Eau Claire and ended up sleeping on my futon because Eric Miller was breaking up with (and then getting back together with) Alley all goddamn night. Top that off with the letters we wrote back and forth a few years ago and, voila - a cheap, but very sentimental and perfect, wedding gift.

Well...I was able to find the letters quite easily. They were in the box where I put all the letters I receive. The poem, amazingly, had not been deleted from my computer. But the vows? They're not in my hatbox. That's the only place in the world I would have put them. So...they're lost. I've lost the wedding vows from my artistic union to Daniel M. Austin. I can't believe it. I lost the vows from the only wedding I'll ever have.

Hmm. Idea. I bet that I still have the email he sent when he "proposed." Maybe that'll have to do.

You know...the girls at work like to go out all the fucking time, and they're always begging me to go, I swear I'm supposed to go out to the bars every goddamn night...for a while it was even fun...lots of boys wanted me, and not cuz they were drunk, because they genuinely thought I was beautiful...they were coming into Pasquales to see me, one of them sent me roses to my job, etc...and here I'm thinking I must be something special, but I'm really not, because I feel less than nothing for these boys, and I'm just so sick of it. I'm sick of going on dates. I'm sick of the game, I'm so so tired. I'm tired of trying to make myself like people I don't, I'm tired of trying to make myself compromise for someone I don't really want...I just wanna curl up on the couch and watch movies and be held...I hate that I get sick of boys after an hour. But I never seem to get sick of him.